I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
