she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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