Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
