Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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