Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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