the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
