You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
