the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
