it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
