I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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