I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
