What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
