Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
