but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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