you win again, gameday.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
