Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I smell stomach acid.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
