I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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