wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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