Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
These tits shall not be calmed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
