We're facebook friends in real life
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
