Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
