Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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