So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
