I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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