Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
