I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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