is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
