his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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