The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
