I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
