i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
