I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
