Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You did what with his pubic hair?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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