On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
