we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
