when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
