so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
