the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
