i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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