just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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