babies were throwing up all over the place
everyone is single if you try hard enough
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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