I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
