I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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