I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she smelled like a LAN party
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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