Where did you get a picture of my penis
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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