doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
