Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i dont even know how to be here
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
