First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
did i just pee glitter
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
