winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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