i think my tv is drunk
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
