Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
