hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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