You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
