Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
