the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
