I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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