I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
