All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
