.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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