dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I supernannyed him into submission
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
