I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
