You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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