I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
