can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
