We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
