i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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